GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH MARY JANE WATSON PAR-- er ... MJ!
BY GRACE RANDOLPHWelcome to "Graphic Debate"! This is a forum where comic book characters fight evil in a very different form: the competitive marketplace. A lot of titles are going to hit the shelves this week and just as movie stars hit the publicity circuit to tell you about their latest films we here at "Graphic Debate" offer comic book stars the opportunity to tell you, the readers, about their latest titles.
Now, as we all know this is a very big month for Spider-Man since all four of his monthly titles are launching new storylines with new creative teams. But, you know who it's not a big month for? Mary Jane Watson. So I've asked her here to find out what she's been up to since last month's "One More Day" event. Let's give her a big hand because she really needs it. Come on out, MJ!
(enter Mary Jane Watson)
MARY JANE: (to the audience) That's very kind of you, but really unnecessary.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Hey, we all feel awful about how things went down for you.
MARY JANE: Thank you, but as I said
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Does it bother you that while you're getting a lot of support now, no one's ever really paid attention to you before?
MARY JANE: I I, um, excuse me?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Well, you came out of the gate so strongly with the whole "jackpot/tiger" thing. But then you lost your identity. You are were Spider-Man's wife yet other women in his life are far more defined. Gwen Stacy is iconic, Felicia Hardy is one of the sexiest women in comics
MARY JANE: I'm a supermodel!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: When was your last shoot?
MARY JANE: It was let me think
I was in a movie a few years ago
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Yeah, "Lobster-Man". Not a big hit.
MARY JANE: You're being very tough on me, and I just lost my husband
GRAPHIC DEBATE: It's tough love, MJ. You didn't lose your husband, he called it quits. You've been deemed a misstep in the Spider-Man mythos and what I'm wondering is can you exist on your own? Let's face it and again, tough love you've never really come into your own as a character.
MARY JANE: It's not like I haven't tried. I didn't think things would turn out like this, believe me. And I'm not only talking about the awful business with Mephisto. When I was first introduced into Peter's life, I was the, well, the sexy "other woman" and while I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, I liked that.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Hey, you were great at it!
MARY JANE: But I was a different person back then. What happened to Gwen really changed all of us. We were devastated. Peter needed someone to be there for him and I was happy to do it. I love Peter and, uh, well (laughs nervously) I guess that's irrelevant now.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Hmm, this interview's getting a little depressing.
MARY JANE: Isn't it though?! But to be honest with you, this is all a bit of a relief. I need a break from Peter, too. I've always been his second choice, either after Gwen or as we all saw, his Aunt May. I was
basically dumped by my husband of twenty years in front of the whole world. I can't stress how difficult it is to be married to a superhero. We've had to start a support group.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Really?!
MARY JANE: Yes! Lois Lane, Susan Storm-Richards, and, uh actually, membership is down lately. Not only am I going to have to drop out, but recently we've lost Sue Dibny, Black Canary was briefly a member and I'm not sure if she's coming back, and unfortunately we lost both Betty Banner and Jean Grey-Summers.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Geez. I guess you should be grateful you weren't killed off too.
MARY JANE: I guess you're right. Speaking of Jean, I'm surprised she hasn't come back.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Me too. But I don't know if I'd want her to return if it meant her getting back together with Scott Summers. That wouldn't be very exciting.
MARY JANE: Well, I'm sorry you find others' happiness so boring.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: It just doesn't make for compelling reading. Sorry. Although there is a rumor she might come back as a baby.
MARY JANE: As a as a
baby?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Yeah. Some people think the baby in "Messiah Complex" might be Jean Grey. Imagine how Cyclops would feel if his wife came back as a baby? Now that would be interesting.
MARY JANE: I don't even know what to say to that. But as for my situation, maybe I can use this time to come into my own.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: I think it's a little late for that.
MARY JANE: Oh, that's not true! You know what they say: It's never too late for a fresh start!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: "They" are just being polite. It's too late.
MARY JANE: You're entitled to your opinion, but I don't agree.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: You have no superpowers!
MARY JANE: I carry a gun!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: What?! Seriously?(Mary Jane takes a gun out of her purse.)
MARY JANE: I sure do! I shot the Green Goblin with it in 2005
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Whoa, MJ, careful where you point that thing
MARY JANE: I guess if I'd waved this around a little more over the years, I'd still have my husband! Maybe my own series!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: But you do have your own series! What about "Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane"?
MARY JANE: You mean where I'm a teenager?! Do you know how that makes me feel about myself?! That people are only interested in me if I'm forever a teenager?! And I heard it's not
just teenagers reading it!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Why don't you put the gun down, MJ? (to the audience) Don't worry, everyone. I'm sure Spider-Man will be here soon
MARY JANE: Don't count on it! Now I'm just an acquaintance to that jerk! I'm going to get myself a new comic book series: "Lots of Hot, Successful Men Love Mary Jane Suck It, Peter Parker!"
GRAPHIC DEBATE: That's a little wordy
MARY JANE: You're the one who told me to assert myself!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Please! Watch where you're
VOICE OFF-SCREEN: Hey, lady
(Mary Jane turns around to see Frank Castle, a.k.a. The Punisher standing there.)
THE PUNISHER I like your style. How 'bout you follow me around for awhile?
MARY JANE: Okay!
GRAPHIC DEBATE: But MJ, I thought you'd turned over a new, albeit semi-psychotic, leaf of independence!
MARY JANE: What can I say? I like to be taken care of.
(The Punisher picks up Mary Jane in his arms. About to leave, he stops and looks back.)
THE PUNISHER: If Parker calls, tell him she'll be on the rebound after the weekend.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: But they're just acquaintances. He doesn't remember their marriage at all.
THE PUNISHER: Oh yeah? Well tell him we aren't all so lucky as to be able to forget our wives. Some of us are haunted
MARY JANE: Come on, Frank! Let's go! "Face it, Tiger
you just "
THE PUNISHER: Yeah, yeah
(The Punisher carries Mary Jane off, and she loves it.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: MJ! Wait! What did you promise Mephisto?! (no answer)
And...they're gone. Weird couple. But boy, I bet they'd sell a lot of comics! That's it for "Graphic Debate", thanks for tuning in. And be sure to enjoy all of Spider-Man's new, Mary Jane-free adventures.
Grace Randolph is a comedic actor and writer in NYC. Her upcoming comics are
Justice League Unlimited #41 for
DC Comics,
Nemesis: Who Me? for
TOKYOPOP's new
Shining Stars program, and the manga
The Adventures of CG! for
CosmoGirl magazine. She's also the host/writer for
TitanTV's "RevYOU" which gets the genuine
pulse of the week's new film releases from real moviegoers who've just stepped out of the theater! Go to
www.TitanTV.com to watch the latest episodes. Grace also studies and performs at
Upright Citizens Brigade. To learn more please visit her website,
www.gracerandolph.com, which is highly informative, not to mention awesome.
*****
Michael Moss has been a cartoonist and illustrator since 1999; living and working in sunny San Francisco. Publishing the webcomics Quitting Time, Gods Playing Poker, Shadensmilen, and the upcoming superhero comic Freedom Watch under the banner of Dung Beetle Comics, a webcomic collective of which he is a founding member; Michael also writes for the magazine Webcomics Anonymous and is lucky as hell to get to gather news for the weekly podcast the Gigcast produced by the hard rockin' people at NightGig Studios.
If you'd like to illustrate an upcoming Graphic Debate column, e-mail jencomx3@aol.com for details on how your artwork can appear here.
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