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#397069 - 01/23/08 02:52 PM GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
Jennifer M. Contino Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 22928
Loc: PA

GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
BY GRACE RANDOLPH

Welcome to “Graphic Debate”! This is a forum where comic book characters fight evil in a very different form: the competitive marketplace. A lot of titles are going to hit the shelves this week and – just as movie stars hit the publicity circuit to tell you about their latest films – we here at “Graphic Debate” offer comic book stars the opportunity to tell you, the readers, about their latest titles.

One of the most controversial titles on the racks today is All-Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder. Love it or hate it – and I love it – it's definitely on everyone's mind. However, there's been a bit of a delay between issue #8 and issue #9 – due out in late February – so we thought we'd have All-Star Batman on the show to tide readers over until then.

WARNING: THE All-Star BATMAN is a POTTY MOUTH!

Come on out, All-Star Batman!

(Pause. Nobody comes out.)

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Ahem. Please welcome, The Batman!

(Pause. Nothing. Grace sighs.)


GRAPHIC DEBATE: [reluctantly] Put your hands together for…The "GodDamn" Batman!

(The GD Batman stomps out and collapses in the armchair. He glares at everyone.)

THE GD BATMAN: So this is it, huh? This is the whole fucking show? Where's the dancing girls?

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Uh, yes. Thank you for coming. Y'know, your title seems to really be hitting its stride with issue #8 leaving readers hungry for more. The scenes with you and Hal Jordan were hilarious –

THE GD BATMAN:
[probably not hearing a word Grace just said] Wanna do it?


GRAPHIC DEBATE: [innocently] Do what?

THE GD BATMAN:
You know. It.




GRAPHIC DEBATE: I'm sorry, but –

THE GD BATMAN:
What are you, a fucking nun? Sex. I'm talking about sex. I've got an extra mask in my utility belt if you wanna make it interesting –

GRAPHIC DEBATE: I, uh, appreciate the offer but – well – to be perfectly honest I'm worried you might have Bat cooties.


THE GD BATMAN:
“Cooties”? “Cooties”?!

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, The GD Batman starts laughing really, really hard.)

THE GD BATMAN: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!




GRAPHIC DEBATE: Okay, so, moving on –





THE GD BATMAN:
HA HA HA HA HA! “Cooties”!? HA HA HA HA! [suddenly gets super serious] Do I look like I give a fuck about “cooties”?

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Everyone should care about cooties.

THE GD BATMAN: Do I look like a GD school nurse to you, Randolph? Guess what? If you've got cooties, at least you're not a fucking rotting corpse, and that's my only concern: keeping shits like you alive.


GRAPHIC DEBATE: Look, we can't spend the whole interview talking about cooties.




THE GD BATMAN: Then maybe you shouldn't have brought it up. Get your act together, retard.

(Pause. Grace and The GD Batman stare at each other, neither very pleased with the other.)











GRAPHIC DEBATE: So hands down, All-Star Batman & Robin is one of the most beautiful comics out there. Everything and everyone looks stunning. What do you think Jim Lee –





THE GD BATMAN:
Jim Lee draws what he fucking sees. Look at me. I'm a GD Greek God! Do you think this five o'clock shadow is an accident?! Do you?! Because if you do, you're retarded!




GRAPHIC DEBATE: [ignores him] Let's get back on task, what was it like meeting Hal Jordan.

THE GD BATMAN:
On task? Are you going to punish me if I don't answer you?!

(Grace smiles.)





THE GD BATMAN: What the fuck?! Did you just smile at me?




GRAPHIC DEBATE: Well, I gotta say, you're very entertaining.




THE GD BATMAN:
Entertaining? What, I'm here, fucking busting my balls fighting the crazies that Gotham shits out, to entertain you?!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Um, uh, yeah –

THE GD BATMAN:
Tell me, what's so damn entertaining about me?! My fucking dead parents?! The shitload of pain I go through every night?!










GRAPHIC DEBATE: Oh come on, you love it!

THE GD BATMAN:
I love it?! I fucking love it?! So what if I fucking love it?! My pain is to entertain me! You wanna be entertained, get your own shittin' pain!




GRAPHIC DEBATE: [smiles knowingly] But I thought that sometimes you share it, with people like me.





THE GD BATMAN:
What?! Did you just quote Keaton to me?! Fucking Michael Keaton?! Do I look like some PG-13 movie to you?!




GRAPHIC DEBATE: Actually I'm quoting Frank Miller. Early Frank Miller. That's a line from Batman: Year One.

THE GD BATMAN:
shocked Frank? Frank wrote that?

(Pause.)

THE GD BATMAN: That's what I said?! That's the best shit I could come up with?!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: It's a great line! From a great series! And it works beautifully. The guy you say it to is terrified.

THE GD BATMAN:
So then what did I do to him? Did I poke his eye out with my thumb? Did I bite his ear off? Did I paralyze him? Tell me I at least fucking paralyzed him!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Actually they cut away –

THE GD BATMAN:
FUCK THAT SHIT!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: But whatever you did worked, since the criminal agreed to testify –

THE GD BATMAN:
Testify?! In Gotham?! What, was I high? Am I a GD pothead loser in this Batman Year One?!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Haven't you read Batman Year One?


THE GD BATMAN:
Do I look like I fucking have time to read to you?




GRAPHIC DEBATE: Read to me? Like a story?




THE GD BATMAN:
Did you just throw grammar in my face, slut?!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Well you are a literary character –

THE GD BATMAN:
I'm the literary character! They should rename every fucking library The GD Batcave!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: I don't understand all the confusion. Regardless of reading it, Batman Year One happened to you. I mean, it's about you –

THE GD BATMAN:
You think I remember all of that shit?! You think with all the fucked up crime statistics and records I have crammed in my fucking brain since the Golden Age, I have space to remember what I did in the 1980s?! I can barely remember last week!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: Okay, fine, you don't remember. Then I recommend you pick up Batman Year One. [Smiles to the camera and holds up a copy of the Batman Year One tradepaperback] In fact if you haven't read Batman Year One, I suggest you pick it up.

THE GD BATMAN:
What the fuck?! Are you promoting another title right in front of me?!

GRAPHIC DEBATE: It's related!

(The GD Batman clutches his head in pain, as if tortured by an inner turmoil he can barely contain. He takes a deep breath and grits his teeth. After a moment…)

THE GD BATMAN: I gotta talk to Frank. He's the only one who understands me…

(The GD Batman gets up and exits.)


GRAPHIC DEBATE: Thanks for coming! And say “hi” to Frank for us!




(To the camera) Well everyone, it was good to see our friend The GD Batman, and be sure to keep an eye out for his latest issue in February. It's a lot of fun and it definitely has a distinctive artistic voice and look, brought to you by two of the biggest names in comics: Frank Miller and Jim Lee. Also, I meant it when I said check out Batman Year One, or any of Batman's exciting titles. That's it for Graphic Debate – see you next week!







Grace Randolph is a comedic actor and writer in NYC. Her issue of Justice League Unlimited (#41) for DC Comics is out now, and her upcoming projects are Nemesis: Who Me? for TOKYOPOP's new Shining Stars program, and the manga The Adventures of CG! for CosmoGirl magazine. She's also the host/writer for TitanTV's "RevYOU" which gets the genuine pulse of the week's new film releases from real moviegoers who've just stepped out of the theater! Go to www.TitanTV.com to watch the latest episodes. Grace also studies and performs at Upright Citizens Brigade. To learn more please visit her website, www.gracerandolph.com, which is highly informative, not to mention awesome.

*****





Jesus Antonio is an architect and designer, and has been a cartoonist and illustrator for over 20 years, living and working in Querétaro, in the mid part of Mexico. Publishing the comics Rocket Girl, Desde la Tercera Cuerda,The Unwanted, The Last Chance School for Girls, and the upcoming horror short story for Negative Burn written by Sean Taylor. Jesús Antonio is also part of the Society of Comic Book Authors of Spain (AACE). His blog is here: http://portaveritas.blogspot.com/ and his deviantart page is here: http://portaveritas.deviantart.com/ His contact email for illustration work: 01 portaveritas at gmail dot com.





If you'd like to illustrate an upcoming Graphic Debate column, e-mail jencomx3@aol.com for details on how your artwork can appear here.

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#397070 - 01/24/08 01:36 AM Re: GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
Steve Chung Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 3800
Loc: San Bruno
Grace,

Any chance of interviewing either the "New Look" Batman or the Englehart/Rogers Batman?

After this interview, it'd be nice to see some contrast from your last guest.

Jesus, the art is sweet in this installment.

Keep it up!

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#397071 - 01/24/08 06:11 AM Re: GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
Len N. Wallace Offline
Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 71
I'd love an interview with Adam West Batman.

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#397072 - 01/24/08 09:32 AM Re: GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
grandolph Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/07
Posts: 6
Hmm, interviewing the different Batmans...

I luvs it! smile

I write these in advance, so in a few weeks look for another Batman interview...

And yeah, Jesus is an amazing artist. We're very lucky to get such talented artists to work on Graphic Debate.

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#397073 - 01/24/08 09:51 AM Re: GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
Jennifer M. Contino Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 22928
Loc: PA
All the artists who have drawn Graphic Debate so far have been AWESOME! Yay, team!

Jen

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#397074 - 01/24/08 01:36 PM Re: GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH ALL-STAR BATMAN
Steve Chung Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 3800
Loc: San Bruno
Quote:
Originally posted by Len N. Wallace:
I'd love an interview with Adam West Batman.
Holy Go West, Young Fan! I'd love to see that!

Don't forget the Shark Repellant Bat-Spray! smile

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