GRAPHIC DEBATE WITH WONDER WOMAN
BY GRACE RANDOLPHWelcome to “Graphic Debate”! This is a forum where comic book characters fight evil in a very different form: the competitive marketplace. A lot of titles are going to hit the shelves this week and – just as movie stars hit the publicity circuit to tell you about their latest films – we here at “Graphic Debate” offer comic book stars the opportunity to tell you, the readers, about their latest titles.
Considered by many to be the First Lady of comicdom, Wonder Woman has been a household name since she debuted way back in 1941. Standing shoulder to shoulder with Batman and Superman, recently she's been getting quite a lot of attention with the re-launch of her series and fan-favorite writer Gail Simone taking the reins. In a year when a woman is running for President of the United States, we here at Graphic Debate thought it would be great to talk to another great feminist. Please welcome Wonder Woman!
(enter Agents Diana Prince and Nemesis)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: What - ? Excuse me. Excuse me! I’m sorry but we’re on the air! You can’t just –(Agent Prince and Nemesis begin checking out the stage while Grace doesn’t know what to do.)
DIANA PRINCE: We just need to make sure the area is secure. Standard procedure for all metahuman promotional appearances.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: But we’ve had plenty of metahuman guests before but no –
DIANA PRINCE: Nemesis?
NEMESIS: All clear. (he puts his hand to his earpiece) Yes, sir? Right away. (to Agent Prince) We’ve got an emergency –
DIANA PRINCE: Then you’d better get on it right away! I’ll do one final sweep and then I’ll join you.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: No, please. We’re good here –
DIANA PRINCE: I really think I should –
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Please! If it’s an emergency, Jen knows The Wall and we've got I.D.T. or –(Agent Prince firmly puts her hand on Grace’s shoulder.)
DIANA PRINCE: (sternly) I’m staying to do a
final sweep.
(Pause.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: O-o-o-okay.
NEMESIS: See you in the field, Prince!
(Nemesis hurries off stage.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: I appreciate your concern, but if the government is spending my tax dollars on talk show security well –(But Grace is distracted as Agent Prince starts to dance in a circle.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Um, this isn’t Dance Wars …(Suddenly Agent Prince begins to sparkle!)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: O-o-oh! Pretty!(And before our eyes, Agent Prince turns into Wonder Woman!)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Omigod! Agent Diana Prince is actually Wonder Woman!?!?!
WONDER WOMAN: I apologize for the ruse, but it was necessary to get rid of Nemesis while still preserving my secret identity.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Oh of course! I totally understand. But…”secret identity”? You just, uh, changed right in front of me.
WONDER WOMAN: But we’re sisters! I’m sure you’ll keep my secret.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: (smiles and nods at the cameras) But we’re broadcasting live.
WONDER WOMAN: (smiles) All of my sisters will honor my secret identity.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: But we have plenty of male viewers.(Pause. Wonder Woman looks at the camera. Her smile fades and she sighs.)
WONDER WOMAN: Oh well. I’m probably not going to keep it up for much longer anyway.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: No? Isn’t a secret identity, like, crucial, to being able to live a normal life?
WONDER WOMAN: That’s what Kal kept saying, and he was well intentioned, but you know what they say. “Sometimes the best kind of help is no help at all.”
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Whoa. It’s talk like that which reminds people you’re a murderer.
WONDER WOMAN: I was cleared of all charges.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: We all saw it on TV, Princess.
WONDER WOMAN: I regret that I had to take a life, but I firmly believe I had no choice but to kill Maxwell Lord.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Was it to save the man you loved?
WONDER WOMAN: No, it was not. In the short run, I did it to save Superman, who I do love as a dear friend. But in the long run I did it to save mankind.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Did Maxwell Lord kidnap your baby and raise it as his own?
WONDER WOMAN: What? No, that’s ridiculous! Why would you think that?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: I’m just thinking of the usual reasons women kill.
WONDER WOMAN: Wouldn’t they be the same reasons men kill?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Not really. With men it’s all kinds of things, but with women most of the time it’s something emotional, usually to avenge some harm done to a loved one. I like to refer to it as “motherly murder”.
WONDER WOMAN: Well, I don’t have any children.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: That’s a shame! Y’know, they have some great pottery classes down at the Y.(Pause.)
WONDER WOMAN: I’m good. But thank you anyway.
(Pause.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: So, that Nemesis. What a cutie!
WONDER WOMAN: I don’t really feel comfortable talking about an associate in that manner. He’s an excellent agent –
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Have you guys made out yet?
WONDER WOMAN: That’s an inappropriate question –
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Ah-ha! You haven’t, but you want to!
WONDER WOMAN: Just because a man and a woman work together doesn’t mean they automatically have to become a couple.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Actually, they do.
WONDER WOMAN: No, they don’t. You don’t believe in platonic relationships?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Heck no! I lie awake at night in fear of platonic relationships! If a guy doesn’t want to make out with me, what does that say about me?
WONDER WOMAN: Your self worth shouldn’t be determined by who wants to “make out” with you.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Ha! Easy for you to say. Both Batman and Superman can’t wait to get you between the sheets!
WONDER WOMAN: (frustrated) Please don’t say that. I have to see them later at work –
GRAPHIC DEBATE: How do you keep your top up? Do you use “Hollywood Tape” like J-Lo?
WONDER WOMAN: It’s a very well crafted uniform.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: It looks fabulous! I wish I had the guts to walk around in my underwear all day –
WONDER WOMAN: It’s not –
(Wonder Woman takes a moment to calm down.)
WONDER WOMAN: My uniform allows for maximum movement in the field. And since I’m practically invulnerable, it helps me keep cool –
GRAPHIC DEBATE: What size do you wear?
WONDER WOMAN: (sighs) In the United States, I wear a size 8.
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Now, now! Don’t make me use your lasso on you!
WONDER WOMAN: (genuinely confused) Why would I lie about my size?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Who doesn’t lie about their size? (smiles at the camera) I'm a perfect size - 2!(Pause.)
WONDER WOMAN: I have to say, I agreed to come onto this show because it had a female host. But now that I’ve met you, I’m disappointed that you haven’t asked me one serious question. You, Ms. Randolph, are a very poor role model for women.
(Pause.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: I’m sorry. I’m so ashamed.
WONDER WOMAN: That’s alright. The important thing is that you want to change. And you can! Go ahead. Ask me a serious question.
(Grace takes a moment to think.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: Do you find it frustrating that, being such a powerful and successful woman, that…
WONDER WOMAN: Yes?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: That you’ve “classed” yourself out in the dating world?
WONDER WOMAN: That’s your serious question?
GRAPHIC DEBATE: It sure is! I know a lot of women who are worried about that! Do you know how many powerful and successful women are single? Including, I might add, you. Just look at the single, successful women in Cashmere Mafia and Lipstick Jungle!(Wonder Woman stands up.)
WONDER WOMAN: I should’ve done the interview with Katie Couric.
(Wonder Woman takes off and flies away.)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: (calling after her) She’s having trouble finding someone too!(Grace sighs, but then turns back to the camera)
GRAPHIC DEBATE: What?! Come on! There are different levels of epidemics, y’know! Geez. Nobody takes our problems seriously… (realizes) Oh yes! Be sure to follow the adventures of Wonder Woman in her monthly title, as well as the various Justice League titles! See you next week on Graphic Debate!(THE END)
Grace Randolph is a comedic actor and writer in NYC. Her upcoming comics are
Justice League Unlimited #41 for
DC Comics,
Nemesis: Who Me? for
TOKYOPOP's new
Shining Stars program, and the manga
The Adventures of CG! for
CosmoGirl magazine. She's also the host/writer for
TitanTV's "RevYOU" which gets the genuine
pulse of the week's new film releases from real moviegoers who've just stepped out of the theater! Go to
www.TitanTV.com to watch the latest episodes. Grace also studies and performs at
Upright Citizens Brigade. To learn more please visit her website,
www.gracerandolph.com, which is highly informative, not to mention awesome.
*****
Paige Braddock is creator of the Eisner nominate comic, Jane's World. Currently, she resides in Northern California where she also serves as Creative Director for Charles M. Schulz's studio in Santa Rosa. Prior to moving to the left coast, Paige worked as an illustrator for The Chicago Tribune and The Atlanta Constitution.
If you'd like to illustrate an upcoming Graphic Debate column, e-mail jencomx3@aol.com for details on how your artwork can appear here.
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