Page 41 of 43 < 1 2 ... 39 40 41 42 43 >
Topic Options
#463269 - 07/18/01 05:46 PM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
colleen Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/00
Posts: 531
Loc: Newport News VA USA
Quote:
Originally posted by jack:
The weather?

In Vermont in June we had more hot days (over 90) than we had in the last seven years (7).

This month has been utopic, raining at night and warm (70-80) and sunny in the day.

Why the fuck are we talking about the weather?


Because Miss Manners says it is always proper and innoffensive in polite company.

colleen

www.adistantsoil.com
_________________________
www.colleendoran.com
www.adistantsoil.com

Top
#463270 - 07/18/01 06:53 PM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
ChrisW Offline
Member

Registered: 11/25/00
Posts: 10034
Loc: Lincoln, Nebraska USA
Quote:
Originally posted by colleen:
I wouldn't piss on it to put it out.

colleen
www.adistantsoil.com


Lord I would hope not!
_________________________
If This Be... PayPal!!!

"I think ChrisW is the funniest man in entertainment still alive..."
-- the perceptive Tom Spurgeon

Top
#463271 - 07/18/01 11:53 PM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
Doug T Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/00
Posts: 98
Loc: Chicago, IL USA
Quote:
Originally posted by colleen in a whole different thread:
You know, we should coninute this discussion over at "A Question for Colleen Doran" because I have got some hilarious stuff in some of my Japanese comics. You know, what appear to be enormous erect penises, only you don't actually see a penis, you just see the...liquid all around it, glistening on the invisible penis. It's too hilarious!


That's certainly a good start. What else have you got in those Japanese comics?

Doug Tonks

Top
#463272 - 07/19/01 08:42 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
colleen Offline
Member

Registered: 05/15/00
Posts: 531
Loc: Newport News VA USA
Quote:
Originally posted by Doug T:
That's certainly a good start. What else have you got in those Japanese comics?

Doug Tonks


For those who are curious, this is continued from another thread. We were talking about approaches to adult material and what weird stuff gets censored.

Stuff like you wouldn't believe. My personal favorite approach to porn censorship is the ever-present invisible penis in Japanese comics. You'll have these people having the most outrageous sex in the most incredible positions, but the hairless naughty bits are invisible while the flowing juices are quite visible floating all around them. Frankly, I think it would make a hilarious Eros comics parody to have a book about some Japanese dude with an invisible willy.

Occasionally, someone will actually spontaneously generate a big orchid at their crotch. Wow! Symbolism.

The gay comics are most amazing of all with lots of shots of fingers penetrating orifices surrounded by zip-a-tone to indicate the entrance of the fingers into naughty bits. This holds true for the oral action. Some guy is doing the oral deed and his mouth is dripping goo and there's this invisible willy all slathered with stuff. It's a riot! I mean, why not just draw the darned thing! You've drawn AROUND it, you've drawn ON it, you've drawn everythig BUT it. It's bizarre. It's not like people can't tell what's going on when they see the pictures. What are they protecting people from?

The most shocking thing I ever saw was a comic that was given to me be a Japanese artist whose name escapes me. I probably blotted it from my memory in shock. We were doing the usual book exchange thing and he hands me one of his comics and we thank each other, la de da. I get this thing home and start reading it and I thought I was going to faint! While it is not permissable to draw a penis on a person, apparently, it is permissable to draw a giant penis monster.

Yes, that's right. A giant ambulatory penis monster with little cartoon legs and beady eyes. I guess beady eyes are what one might expect from a giant penis monster.

The penis monster ran about the peaceful parks of Tokyo raping women until they were literally torn into little bits that flew apart in gobs from the assault. Frankly, it made me a little sick, so the book got tossed into the trash.

I am still at a loss as to why Todd MacFarlane Toys are banned in Japan, but you can buy comics about giant penis monsters. Go figure.

I have seen one infamous anime which features a gay rape scene. In it, a man is assualted with a buttery corn cob and a big bottle of Wild Turkey. There's something about the scene that made the Wild Turkey appropriate (hey, how weird is that?), but the corn cob slayed me. The fellow who commits the act draws this corn cob across the screen like a samurai drawing a sword. I am not kidding. It's even accompanied by a sound effect that's rather like that ear of golden kernels has been drawn from a scabbard.

Later in the show, a handsome naked man is seen in full frontal, but after watching a guy get it with a corn cob, a bottle of wild turkey, and another guy get the treatment from a device which buzzes a lot and can be tuned to different intensities, apparently an actual view of those bulging inches is verbotten since a big splash of sunlight comes shining up from our man's legs, blotting the sight of the offending bits from view. He is literally glowing from his manly glow worm.

I don't know if they meant the film to be funny, and I am pretty sure they did not, but it is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen. I think I should throw a party and show this to all my animated film fan friends. It would bring down the house.

Most porn is just stupid anyway and someone sent me some of those Eros "Coley" books thinking I would like them (I did not) but like most of this stuff, it was unintentionally hilarious though absolutely nothing is censored in these things. I can't begin to imagine why people would think one panel after another festooned with sound effects like "Slurp!" "Glop" "Gasp" and "Choke"is sexy, but there you go. Maybe the artist was trying to be dadaesque.

colleen

www.adistantsoil.com
_________________________
www.colleendoran.com
www.adistantsoil.com

Top
#463273 - 07/19/01 09:31 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
columnist Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/01
Posts: 360
Loc: Evanston, IL, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by colleen:
Tell you what, put my head on Tiffany Amber Thiessen or something and we'd be good, but the real Colleen needs to do some more situps! Truth is just truth!


Colleen, every woman in America thinks that about herself. I'm sure Tiffany Amber Thiessen feels exactly the same way about HER looks. Trust me, from a male perspective, 99% of what women spend incredible amounts of time worrying about in this area is simply not important. I've found that when men look at women in bathing suits, the women think we're "critiquing" them (i.e., "Butt too big. Legs not tan enough. And what's with that birth mark?"). In reality, we're doing no such thing. We're just enjoying the view.

I'm not saying each body part is perfect (never having seen any of yours [img]/resources/ubb/frown.gif[/img] ); I'm saying the imperfections are so much below "our" radar that they don't affect the aesthetic experience as a whole.

If I weren't married, I'd stalk you. [img]/resources/ubb/smile.gif[/img] (That was meant as a compliment--please don't have me arrested or tell my wife).

Here, I wrote this song for you in about ten seconds:


(To the tune of "Strangers in the Night")

Strangers on the 'net
Exchanging e-mails;
What a novel way
To chat with females,
Using a machine
For flirting with Colleen!




[This message has been edited by columnist (edited 07-19-2001).]

Top
#463274 - 07/19/01 09:41 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
Eugene Hicks Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/16/01
Posts: 21
Loc: Black Forest, Germany
Ms. Doran, are you partial to young, handsome, comic book-loving men who have a job and like to make models? Just wondering.

I don't know if you have a boyfriend, but you would be happier with me. You could draw comics, I could read them and then we could make models together! Plus I have a job.
_________________________
Eugene

Top
#463275 - 07/19/01 09:44 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
D Eric Carpenter Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/98
Posts: 55
Loc: indianapolis, IN, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by ChrisW:
But you don't have the Penis on the Plains so there nyeah :P


Springfield, Illinois?

I do have to step in to 'defend' Chicago, since I'm a misplaced Chicagoan. This last June and early July, the entire East-Midwest was bizarrely cool. On July 6, the low was 39 degrees where I am. So, while 40 degrees may have been cool--trust me, that's not normal Chicago weather.

D. Eric Carpenter

Top
#463276 - 07/19/01 09:46 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
D Eric Carpenter Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/98
Posts: 55
Loc: indianapolis, IN, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by ChrisW:
But you don't have the Penis on the Plains so there nyeah :P


Springfield, Illinois?

I do have to step in to 'defend' Chicago, since I'm a misplaced Chicagoan. This last June and early July, the entire East-Midwest was bizarrely cool. On July 6, the low was 39 degrees where I am. So, while 40 degrees may have been cool--trust me, that's not normal Chicago weather.

D. Eric Carpenter

Top
#463277 - 07/19/01 09:51 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
D Eric Carpenter Offline
Member

Registered: 12/24/98
Posts: 55
Loc: indianapolis, IN, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by ChrisW:
But you don't have the Penis on the Plains so there nyeah :P


Springfield, Illinois?

I do have to step in to 'defend' Chicago, since I'm a misplaced Chicagoan. This last June and early July, the entire East-Midwest was bizarrely cool. On July 6, the low was 39 degrees where I am. So, while 40 degrees may have been cool--trust me, that's not normal Chicago weather.

D. Eric Carpenter

Top
#463278 - 07/19/01 10:37 AM Re: A question for Colleen Doran
Red Ruffensore Offline
Member

Registered: 05/19/99
Posts: 72
Loc: Skid Row
You nerds are starting to creep me out.

And have a little patience with the "Post Reply" button. Instead of clicking on it multiple times because you can't wait for Colleen to read your latest pathetic flirtation, play a game of Solitaire.

Or take a cold shower.

Top
Page 41 of 43 < 1 2 ... 39 40 41 42 43 >