Even a Punisher has a list of people he needs to by gifts for at the end of the year — much to his own amazement. So this holiday season, Frank Castle takes a look at the best options in Punisher Gift Zone, a thoroughly tongue-in-cheek guide to gifting.
Frank Castle here. You may know me as “The Punisher” from the time I used to wage war on crime, drug fiends, and the underclass. Since my Netflix show was cancelled, I haven’t had much to do and so, Comicon.com asked me to write a series of columns recommending nifty holiday gift ideas.
Journals themselves are a great gift. People don’t often get to see my more reflective, sensitive, expressive side. I’ve been journaling since the sixth grade, long before it was trendy. There was a stretch during the eighties and early nineties when I was kinda obsessed with which crack dens I’d hit while working my way up the local Mafia chains, and semi-automatic handguns I’d prefer in a supermarket shootout versus rumble in the parking lot. A journal made it so much easier to collect my thoughts.
For journaling, I like something with heft to it, perhaps embossed, like the Fanery sue Tree of Life Refillable Writing Journal for both men and women. Available from Amazon at $23.99 (14% off the regular price!), this journal, embodying the best aspects of the masculine/feminine duality, feels soft to the touch but is hard enough to protect an A5 notebook for all your writing needs. It sports a vegan faux leather exterior, but is held shut with a handsome magnetic clasp. The cover boasts an embossed tree of life signifying life changes, serenity, and clarity. If that isn’t enough, they’ll throw in a black business pen engraved with the words ‘Keep Growing’!
For hand-to-hand combat — I mean writing in narrow spaces (the inside of the battle van during stakeout, solitary confinement when the pigs have caught you once again, etc.)… the Moleskine is the industry standard:
Taking their name from the classic notebooks which were once bound in actual moleskins (now, even I think that’s cruel!), these handsome devils come in a variety of colours and styles to rival Swatches! As you might have guessed, I prefer the standard issue black. I used to paint a little white skull on mine, but that’s entirely optional. Retailing for $14.99, the Large Ruled Hardcover has 240 smooth acid free pages with rounded corners. The size is 8 X 5 1/4 inches, it’ll open flat, and rumour has it that when closed, it may even stop a slug from a .22.
For writing, I don’t go for Mont Blancs or fountain pens. Some people think a steel nib can double as a miniature blade or bayonet in a fight, leaving a triangular wound that doesn’t close easily, but I prefer an easy Bic Clic Stic. It’s functional and cheap: a box of 12 is only $4.99. Easily purchased from the prison commissary, the tube can double as a miniature blow dart gun, and you don’t have many problems with ink flow. It’s the AK-47 of disposable pens. The Russians would probably just use a pencil.
Frank’s gift zone continues next week!